Using Lube: How It Can Change Your Sex Life
I wanted to kick off this blog talking about something that deserves way more love than it gets: LUBE.
If you’ve ever thought, “Do I really need that?” or “Isn’t this just for older people?”, you’re not alone. Lube isn’t just a “nice-to-have” - it’s a tool that can make sex feel better, sexier, and more fun for everyone, at any age or experience level.
Hm. If lube can make sex feel better, sexier, and more fun, why don’t people use it? (I ask myself this question often.)
I think that people are often hesitant to incorporate lube into their sexual experiences due to some common misconceptions:
“I should be wet enough naturally.”
“Lube is only for penetrative sex.”
“It feels weird or sticky.”
“I’m too old/young/inexperienced to need it.”
Here’s the truth, the #realtalk from your local sex therapist: wetness, hardness, arousal, or comfort vary for everyone - even in the same person on different days. (I’m sure I’ll write more about arousal non-concordance in the future.) Lube isn’t a failure; it’s a way to boost comfort, sensation, and pleasure.
I make no attempts to obscure how much of a hype man I am for lube so let me give you some reasons to introduce lube into your toolkit.
1. Lube reduces discomfort
Discomfort due to dryness and friction is really common, lube makes sex (or masturbation) smoother and more comfortable. For people that experience pelvic pain, lube get also be a game changer (along with some other tools I’m sure I’ll talk about later).
2. Lube enhances pleasure
Different textures and types of lube can change sensation - some feel silky, some warming, some cooling. Experimentation can make touch, oral sex, or penetrative play feel brand new.
3. Lube supports diverse sexual activities
From anal sex to toys to kink play, lube makes everything safer and more enjoyable. It’s literally a tool for curiosity.
4. Lube reduces anxiety
Sometimes just knowing you’ve got extra glide can ease performance pressure and let you focus on connection and pleasure instead of discomfort.
Some helpful info about choosing lube:
Water-based: Versatile, safe with condoms and toys, easy to clean
Silicone-based: Longer-lasting, silky, great for water play or slow sessions
Hybrid / specialty lubes: Can combine textures and sensations
*Tip: Test small amounts first - everyone’s skin and body respond differently and an adverse reaction makes all of my hype about how awesome lube is go down the drain.
A sex therapist’s perspective:
Using lube is more than just physical - it’s curiosity and communication in action. I often suggest:
Experimenting solo to notice what feels good
Sharing preferences with your partner (“May I… Can you…”)
Seeing lube as a tool to enhance intimacy, play, and confidence
Lube isn’t a fix; it’s a gateway to exploring your pleasure boldly and joyfully.
